Those were some of my thoughts. I sort of calmly and despairingly accepted my fate, yet as always there is a "but God" moment. But God, being rich in mercy, sent this verse to me.
"If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there." Ps 139:8
Yes, there are consequences for the Christian's sins. You do have to lie in the bed you make, but even so, God is there with you, and though you sleep in hell you can still say this: "When I awake, I am still with You." And it is true. God is there.
"Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You."